What NEVER to say at happy hour

If you and your coworkers like to meet for happy hour, congratulations — you don’t work with stodgy jerks. Unlike your interactions in the office, things are tricky over drinks. When the beers start flowing and the conversation gets lively, it’s tougher to discern what’s appropriate conversation fodder.

As a vulgar young professional, I’m always pushing the boundaries between hilarious and naughty over drinks with my team. If you’ve ever said any of the following to your work friends, you may be toeing that line yourself.

“Beauty queen smashes face on concrete. How could I not click that link?”

“Oh this? It’s just a burn from my boyfriend’s bong. That bowl gets deceptively hot.”

“No thanks, I can’t eat onion rings. Ever since I puked them up at my twenty first birthday, the very sight of them makes me nauseous.”

“Sorry, you’ll have to bring me up to speed on this one. I instantly delete literally every email from that department.”

“You like Game of Thrones? Me too! When I first started watching, I couldn’t decide whether Khal Drogo was hot or not. I know he’s a savage horse lord and all, but I’m kind of into it.”

“Hey, is it OK if I work from home tomorrow? My brother punched through a window in my front door over the weekend, and I need to be home when the repairman arrives.”

“I love your jumper. I wish I could pull that look off, but when I tried to wear one, I practically peed my pants. I mean, seriously, how do you pee in that thing?”

“Yeah, I love that place! But, um, I’m kicked out for life. Why? Let’s just say I had a tiny altercation with the bartender.”

Yup, I’ve actually said all that to my coworkers at one time or another. It’s a miracle I still have a job.

Your turn. Spill your most embarrassing happy hour stories in the comments!

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