I watch HGTV for the same reason women read fashion magazines — to get inspiration, to lust after shiny items I’m too broke to afford, and to hate. If you hate those perfectly-quaffed, rail-skinny celebrities, you should understand the unbridled rage I experience when I watch House Hunters. This show incites jealousy and frustration for me. It makes my blood boil to see naive twenty-something couples pass up a gem of a home because it didn’t meet the “eight bathrooms” requirement on their must-have list.
If you’re in the market for a new home, don’t let the absence of trivial features stop you from buying a solid property with huge potential. When you start to live your life in your new home, you won’t be sad you don’t have…
Quick, picture yourself at eight thirty on a Tuesday night. You’ve managed to find your way home from work, you ate something, you removed that pokey bra, and you’re ready to relax. Hey, wouldn’t it be fun to jam open the chimney flue, stack up some pokey logs, and try unsuccessfully to kindle a flame? Sounds like a fucking blast.
Although romantic in theory, a fireplace is useless unless you build a fire in it. And let’s be honest, building a fire should be reserved for camping trips and the zombie apocalypse.
Not only will that dream fireplace never get used, it will drive up your home insurance premiums. Is it worth the extra cash to arrange your prized knick-knacks on the brick mantle? I think you should just get a bookcase and call it a day.
If the master bedroom is big enough to fit your bed and nightstands, while leaving a walking path to the closet, then it’s big enough. Bedrooms are arguably the worst use of space in a home — you’ll spend very little waking time in your bedroom, and aside from the initial home tour with friends and family, you will almost never host more than one person inside at once. Unless you’re into some freaky group sex stuff, in which case, I’m not judging!
Having a smaller bedroom could also dissuade you from eating, working, or watching TV in your room. Research shows if you do much more than sleep in your bedroom, you’ll begin to associate it with other activities — a major hindrance to healthy sleep.
Give the house a pass on smaller bedrooms, and be glad you won’t have to buy a huge dresser, vanity table, or desk to fill the corners of the expansive room.
A jacuzzi tub
I know exactly why you fantasize about someday having a giant tub. You picture candle-lit bubble baths, accompanied by a handsome gentleman. I hate to break it to you, but you’ll be hard pressed to get a guy into a bubble bath with you. I’m not saying you’re not sexy, I’m just pointing out a guys idea of fun rarely involves lavender-scented hygiene products.
Instead of sighing longingly when you picture a bathtub, squeal with delight at the roomy or bright shower. How often do you take a bath? Chances are, a lot less frequently than you take a long hot shower.
A big backyard
You’re looking for an expansive plot of lush green grass where your future life will happen. You picture your golden retriever chasing after a ball, your friends gathering around a campfire or picnic table, and your children frolicking freely. And rightly so! Having an outdoor space of your own is a great perk to owning a home.
But bear in mind, the bigger the yard, the more hours you can expect to spend taming the lawn. You’ll enjoy the outdoors equally, whether you have a half-plot, or a few acres.
What features do you love most about your home? Tweet me your answers!