You know you’re an adult when your friends are getting pregnant on purpose. A handful of people in my life have revealed their pregnancies, as of late, and I had a less-than-ideal reaction. Just in case you’re in the same boat, here are 10 things you shouldn’t say when your friend tells you she’s preggo.
10. “How are you going to come up with five hundred bucks for this abortion? And yes, I’ll drive you to your appointment. Again.”
9. “Who’s the father?”
8. “Gah, I sure hope cocaine doesn’t hurt the fetus in the first two weeks of pregnancy.”
7. “And you’re how far along? How did you not know before? You’re one of those chicks that doesn’t know she’s knocked up until it pops out on the toilet, aren’t you?”
6. “Your vagina is gonna be wrecked after this. And the weight gain? You should just take up bulimia now.”
5. “You know what you need? A drink. Just one or two to take the edge off.”
4. “At least now you have an excuse for your psychotic mood swings.”
3. “That explains the weight gain. Are you in your fifth fucking trimester, then?”
2. “We should start a weekly steak and lobster night at your place! With all the food stamps you’ll be getting, we could be eating like kings.”
1. “Can I have all your low cut tops? You won’t need them when your tits hang to your knees.”
What’s the worst thing you’ve ever said to a pregnant friend? Leave your horror stories in the comments or tweet me!