We know that breaking up is hard to do, but is it normal to become depressed, psychotic, blissful, and insecure, all within the span of a few weeks? I’m here to tell you it is, so don’t be surprised when you find yourself navigating the five stages of a breakup.
“I was too good for him anyway. He’ll be sorry. I was happier when I was single!”
“Oh my God. We’re really broken up. I’m single. I have to carry in all my groceries, alone!” (ugly-faced sobbing)
(still sobbing) “I loved him. And now he’s gone, and I’m probably going to run into him with his new girlfriend, who will most definitely be thinner than me. Bring on the sweatpants, I’m spending the next week in bed.”
“I am so glad we broke up. Now I can focus on me. Maybe I’ll finally sign up for that kickboxing class! I was too pretty for him, anyway.”
“Are there any half-decent single guys left on this planet? Maybe my ex wasn’t so bad. At least he didn’t wear bronzer or socks with sandals.”
“Woah, I haven’t drunk texted my ex in a month. And I don’t want to. Weird.”
Did I leave out anything? What are your breakup stages and rituals? Tell me in the comments, or tweet me!