If only we were as good at following healthy eating plans as we are at skirting them, we’d all be slim. After shedding nearly 40 pounds, I’d like to think I’m a pretty disciplined eater. But I admit, I’m not always well-behaved. On those days when I consume twice my allotted calories, skip the gym, and close the day with a slice of cake, I have about a million excuses why my behavior is acceptable.
Here are my go-to rationalizations for when I cheat on my diet.
“So if one serving is the size of a fist, I’m OK. As long as I’m measuring these tortilla chips against the fist of the Incredible Hulk.”
“Why yes, I will have one of those cupcakes. I walked a lot today. It will all even out.”
“I don’t have to hit the gym tonight. These pants are a bit loose, so I can stand to gain a pound this week.”
“If nobody sees me eat it, technically I didn’t eat it. Yup, it’s science.”
“Popcorn is whole grain so it’s actually good for you. This entire bucket of movie theater popcorn only contains, like, 300 calories.”
“Yeah, I stopped at McDonald’s. But I had a chicken sandwich. At least I didn’t eat the two Big Macs I truly wanted.”
“I probably overestimated the calorie count of my lunch, so if I have a handful of M&Ms, I’ll still be on target for the day.”
“Sure, I’m drinking booze. But it’s wine! It’s made from grapes! Top me off, would you?”
“Fuck it, I’m getting a bacon cheeseburger for lunch. I’ll just go for a run after work, then have kale for dinner.”
“Did we eat a pizza after the bar last night? (shrug) If I can’t remember it, I didn’t eat it.”
What goes through your head when you’re cheating on a diet? Tell me in the comments or tweet me, so I can beef up my arsenal of excuses.