Biologically speaking, I’m in my reproductive prime. Centuries of evolution have hardwired me to want a baby now that I’m nearing my mid twenties. But while my friends and colleagues are getting knocked up, I’m procrastinating procreating, perhaps indefinitely. After all, who needs a baby when I have a dog?
Here are a few reasons why having a pup beats having a baby, any day of the week.
Dogs seldom cry
From infancy, to their teens, and into adulthood, your kids will cry. And guess who they’ll turn to for comfort? I’m looking at you, mom. Unlike a rugrat, while my dog whined a bit as a puppy, she’s quiet as can be these days. The silence of childlessness is sweet indeed.
Dogs poop less
My 80-pound pit bull is a poop machine. But your baby is a poop conglomerate! I was nine when my little brother was born and did my fair share of diaper changing. But even splitting diaper duty among three people, it seemed every time I turned around that kid was defecating. I’ll take a weekly poopy-scoop session over an hourly diaper change any day.
Dogs are cheap. Well, cheaper.
Sure, the markup on pet supplies is absurd. But dog ownership costs pennies on the dollar compared to parenting. Food, supplies, medical care, and toys are vastly cheaper for dogs than for babies. And unless you’re the protagonist in a nineties comedy, your pet probably isn’t ever going to college on your dime.
Dogs provide a great escape plan
I often find myself saying, “I wish I could stay, but I have to get home and feed the dog.” When my oddball coworker invites me to happy hour, when my boozed-up friend pressures me to stay for one more beer, and when my boss asks me to work late, my dog gets me out of it. While having kids at home is also a great excuse to shirk some commitments, having kids also prevents you from saying “yes.” Having a dog is the perfect excuse to avoid some engagements, while giving you the freedom to indulge in others.
You don’t have to get pregnant to get a dog
Adopting a puppy is like ordering takeout: you get to bring home something great, but you don’t have to make it yourself. Puppies are as cute as babies, and you can get one without getting pregnant. Not that pregnancy doesn’t have its perks (hello, insane libido), but I’ve heard it’s mostly miserable. I’ll pass, for now.
Your dog will always like you
Sure, your children are morally obligated to love you, but they don’t have to like you. And chances are, sometimes they won’t. That’s not the case with a dog. From their puppy days to their adult years, you will be your dog’s favorite person. Your pooch won’t be embarrassed to be seen with you, she won’t be too busy to greet you at the door, and she will always be willing to curl up on the couch for a bad movie.
Are there any other benefits for getting a pup instead of getting knocked up? Tell me in the comments, or tweet me!