I’d like to think that women as a populous conduct themselves in a respectable, dignified manner in most scenarios. I prefer to think of ladies as the gentler sex. But apparently, when the clock strikes midnight at parties, bars, and various social gatherings, us girls may sometimes conduct ourselves in an unsavory manner. The most unflattering and immature activity we can engage in is the sloppy drunk fight. We’ve all overdone it on drinks and found ourselves in screamfests with our pals and significant others, but a select few of us have found ourselves in a physical altercation.
As any decent older sibling should, my brother shared with me some easy tips for the day I should find myself in a fight. Unfortunately it wasn’t long before I put his advice to use. So if in the unlikely event you end up in a catfight, employ these strategies to escape unscathed.
Fight the fear
At the outset of the skirmish, when the offending party is screaming threats, it will be your body’s natural inclination to flee. If you have the option, you should indeed walk away at this point. But if you’re cornered or otherwise unprotected, put a stop to the fear that bubbles up in your gut. If you let it, the panic will paralyze you and you’ll be an easy target for a beating. Take a few breaths, and remind yourself that no real harm is coming your way. You won’t find yourself serene, but you’ll be calmer than you otherwise might be.
Roll up your sleeves
Chances are, if you’re being accosted by a female, her first move will be to grab a handful of your hair. So if you have the foresight to predict the fight, get battle ready: pull your hair into a quick ponytail and remove any loose jewelry she might grab at.
Protect your head
By now your opponent should be flailing and tearing at you. As an inexperienced fighter, your best bet is to cover your head with your arms and wait out the attack. Keep your feet moving, if possible. Before long, someone should be along to break up the skirmish or she’ll tire herself out.
There you have it. You just survived a bona fide fight, and you can die with the satisfaction of being a total badass.
What did you do to avoid getting your ass kicked? Tell me in the comments or tweet me!